personal

It has been an interesting past 5 days. I have had Vanessa over to my place once this week yesterday. I can barely walk today and work is just dragging by which is why I decided to write this blog entry now when really I should be working, but hey I don't get paid enough anyways so who cares. I have access to the log files and I always delete everything I do. In most companies they keep track of all the websites you visit and everything you type. If I wasn't the admin here I would never do this but I am so yay me. I have never been used for sex before but it feels great. I feel like I am on cloud nine. I have spent many hours and weekends going to various different seminars about self improvement and habit building things etc and it is amazing how I can feel more confident, happy, and satisfied from one night of sex than I can from years of that other bullshit. It is amazing how much positive effect sex has on the human condition.

I have been chatting with a few 35+ year old women and things are going well. I am still talking to a few horny young freaks also. I have been chatting with this one girl named Kerri who is only 21 years old and she is a sexual freak! She is always masturbating in front of me on her webcam and I am like wtf. She thinks that older men are sexy and she wants to get together with me sometime this week and I do not mean to go on a date. She said just come over here and do whatever you want to me! Seriously, I feel like I have won the lottery or something. I am actually kind of worried that something major negative is going to happen to me because I have had such good fortune lately. Another part of me tells me that I deserve it and that it has all been the result of hard work finally paying off and I shouldn't worry about something bad happening.

Hi all let me bring you up to speed. I had Kilana over to my place a couple of weeks ago and we ended up having sex but it was like the worst sex I have ever had with a woman and I just don't think we are sexually compatible. I am not going to get into graphic details or anything but let's just say she seemed like a real noobie with a chip on her shoulder. Things just did not go smooth and she didn't really seem too passionate etc. Anyways moving on.

I also had a girl named Vanessa over to my place who is only 27... yeah that's right this 43 yr old dude was able to score with a 27 year old. Feels pretty good for my ego. The sex was amazing and I haven't felt like that in 15+ years. The only problem is that there is no way we are compatible to have a relationship and we both know it. The cool part is she doesn't care and says she can just use me for sex! Ok, fine by me, use me all you want omg are you kidding. When I tell my buddies about this, they just can't believe it. They are married to women they can't stand and they barely have sex anymore. I feel so rejuvenated that I joined a gym last week and I have been doing cardio and lifting weights ever since. This girl has renewed my faith in myself and I will be forever grateful to her for that regardless of what happens with her.

So life is good and I can't complain. What I have been doing lately though is trying to focus my attention on women that will be suitable to be in relationships with. I figure I can't really go below 35 otherwise the girl will just be too young and it won't work so I have sent off a bunch of messages to women that are 35 and older and there is definitely some hot ones here in Austin. I have to be honest though, whenever I see a smoking hot chick and she is under 35 I am still messaging them but I am not sending the same kind of message. For the women that are 35 and older, I am sending them a very serious message because I treat each one like it could be the start of a new relationship whereas the messages I send to the younger girls are far more playful and sexy. I expect to hear back from some of them soon.

On Saturday night I took Kilana to the movies. Yes I know it is very gay and cliched that I took her to the movies. I saw quite a few couples there in fact I have a funny story about that. I forgot how busy the movie theaters get on a Saturday night. We bought our tickets for the 7:30pm showing around 7pm and then we immediately had to go wait in a long ass line. We were sort of just standing there awkwardly and there was a couple who were like 3-4 people in front of us in line and they were very public about their affection, hugging and kissing other the entire time. We were both like ooook this is lawl. I tried to play it cool and ignore them and try and shift the conversation to the weather and to politics. We talked about the Obama administration and how things were getting chilly in Austin at night and we were both commenting on how we were happy and grateful that we weren't on the east coast right now where they are getting hammered with cold weather and snow. Of course she spent most of her life growing up in Hawaii which is why she moved to Texas in the first place. She knew that she could never handle the cold. I grew up in New Jersey and I left there because I hated the cold. Between something and nothing as we used to say. Anyways it has been a long time, maybe 10 years, since I last went to the movies. I can't believe how many damn commercials there are BEFORE they actually play the trailers for upcoming movies. Also I don't remember the theater being so fricking loud, I felt like I was gonna go deaf. The movie we went to see was called Twilight The New Moon starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner. I had not seen the first Twilight movie but I read the coles notes on it from a website so I had a pretty good idea of what would be happening. I have to saw I thought it wasn't bad and it deserved a higher rating then what I read online. She said she liked it too and she said that she had seen the first Twilight already and I was like oh I had no idea and she was like ya. After the movie we walked around downtown Austin for a while sipping on some coffees. We stopped somewhere in some park somewhere, sorry I don't recall exactly where it was and we sat on a bench and talked. We were both turned sideways and the light was shining on her face. At one point her hair had kind of blown in front of her face and I reached up and moved it out of the way and then sort of stopped and realized what I had done. She paused for a moment then leaned forward and kissed me. I usually am not into making out in public but we locked lips there for what seemed like 5 minutes. When we were done, I felt embarrassed and got up and told her let's go. She thought it was cute that I was embarrassed and well what could I do. We took a taxi back to her place and she invited me up for a drink. We sat on her couch in her 1 bedroom condo and she explained to me over drinks that she wanted to tread very cautiously because she had her heart broken 2 years ago and still hadn't fully recovered from that experience. She told me she didn't even want to get involved with me and was regretting going out with me in the first place because she said now that she really liked me and could see us maybe taking this somewhere. I was kind of confused but I was flattered at the same time. We made out a bit and then I told her I think I should be heading home to show her I wasn't interested in just getting into her pants. I headed home and happily watched the latest episode of Heroes. Geez I can't wait until my favorite show called "Breaking Bad" comes back on. I think they said they would have a new season in the new year.

Good news. No swine flu. I am back to 100% now. I talked to Kilana and I am going to get together with her this Saturday night, still deciding where exactly I am going to take her. Do people still go to movies? Seems kinda lame and gay and also it's kind of antisocial to just beside someone and watch a screen. Tomorrow I am going back to work finally after being sick for so many days and I hope I have some good news waiting for me. I sense there is some serious corporate shifting going on right now and I hope nothing bad happens to my division. I am working on some pretty big deals right now.

I met a new girl online named Roberta and she is 46 years old. Yes that is right she is OLDER than me AND her name is Roberta but don't jump to negative conclusions so quickly my friends. She is smoking hot and she is from Portugal. She only moved here about 4 years ago and her english is horrible, but she has big hooters and they are real. Yes that's right I mentioned her large titties right away because um well they are huge. She is a lean woman, not much fat, kinda petite but she has absolutely massive breasts and they are real. I can only imagine how other dudes are going to react when I go out in public with her. I wonder if I could ever get serious with a girl like this. I don't know if I could handle other guys mindlessly staring at my girl's tits all the time. I guess this is just my insecurity talking plus I stare at other women's titties all the time myself anyways.

So far I have chatted with her online on webcam and also over the phone but it is difficult to understand what she is saying sometimes on the phone because her accent is so thick. She seems like a nice girl. She seems like a very open person. She isn't sarcastic at all and I really like that. I think that north america has become poisoned by sarcasm. I also believe the primary cause for this situation is Seinfeld. Seinfeld was the birth of sarcasm in my opinion and I believe that that show negatively affected the entire north american population. A show about nothing. Pffft.

Can one find life after love? I didn't think I would ever be able to again. At age 43, my wife left me and took our 2 children. For the last 2 years I have been moping around my house with my no one but my Spaniel named Felix to keep me company. Sure I have friends who have tried to hook me up with people etc but it all just seems forced. I have decided to turn over a new life and go FIND some happiness for myself again. I am done with feeling sad, and ready for some adventure. I stumbled onto an internet dating site 2 months ago and my life has changed for the better in almost every way. There are a lot of girls/women out there who are just looking for a good time, looking to get crazy on webcams etc but that is not what I am looking for. It seems like every girl I meet online turns out to be freaky... but I am determined to find love. Inspired by a friend's notion of writing a book, I decided to make a blog and document my attempt at finding a classy, intelligent, down to earth girl online. So far I have met nothing but floozies and freaky girls who are into all kinds of odd things. It seems like sex is the only thing on these girls minds these days. Is it so hard to believe that there are some guys out there who want more than sex? I've been living in Austin most of my life, went to University of Austin, and I've been working for a major telecom here for the last 9 years. I have a date with a redhead single mom on Saturday, we shall see how that goes.